Saturday 31 March 2012

Being Practical ..

           Be Practical ! I have been listening to this since my college days. "Shreyasi be practical", "shreyo you need to be more practical", "no one will value your emotions" and blah blah! I completed my school in 2006 & entered college to face the reality. But honestly I did not care a little about being practical. I always listened to my heart and did what I felt. As a result, before I could realize anything I got hurt number of times, I was used by my so called friends, I experienced politics, I met double faced people and so on.. Those three years were actually a learning period of my life. The period which taught me love can be planned, friends can betray, trust & promises can be broken. In 2009 the experienced & mature ME went to University, with lots of dreams, hopes but with less emotions. I knew that I was bound to be hurt, I was bound to be cheated but I promised myself that I would not be broken. But my destiny had something else in store for me. Life surprised me with the gift of love. And before I could control myself, before I could control the stupid emotional Shreyasi, I fell ! I just did not know how to stop, how to think logically & I fell in love. In case of love & relationship I used to be very practical & I maintained to be for twenty one years of my life. But then the magic happened and I just went with the flow. The practical, mature Shreyasi fell in love. I forgot whatever I learnt in those three years & I forgot to be practical. And then I got the punishment of falling in love. I was shattered, I was lost. But it made me strong enough to face the reality, to face the cruel side of life. I started believing that nothing could hurt me now, nothing could shatter me anymore. I became practical..yes once again! But again..another blow ! I bet nothing actually could be worse than that. I lost the biggest support of my life. I lost everything. Life became meaningless. I cried .. cried a lot..I blamed my destiny & your so called GOD ( nah..I don't believe in God anymore!) . But the naked truth was that nothing would be ever able to bring back my life on track. On 10th January, 2012 my life gave me a tight slap and the saddest part is that I could not say anymore 'Try Me!' Probably to make me more practical, my life taught me the lesson and made me emotionless. Yes emotionless.. from that day I have started believing that I do not have any emotion, I do not feel anything anymore. No, I do not have any complain against life, in fact I am grateful that my life has made me so strong. In just one & and half years it has made me strong enough to face everything.. I am not scared of anything anymore because I am not that old little girl anymore, I am not that emotional fool.. I am practical. I have actually repeated these words to myself number of times and started to believe in New Me. But again.. yes once again I am feeling something. I know that I am again acting stupid, again preparing myself to get hurt.I am feeling something very strong, deep inside which is killing me and the worst part is that once again I do not know how to stop myself. But this time no matter what happens I will act practical, I will control my emotions and this time I know that I can. The new Me, the mature Me knows that she can do it. Because life is all about being practical. There is no place for emotional fools in the real world. So even if I am tired of 'trying to be practical', I will not change it because being practical hurts but being emotional kills !